Can Someone Have A Guardian Cause They Dont Know Math ‘Modern Family’ Is Messy (AKA It May Take a Village to Get a Kid to Therapy)

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‘Modern Family’ Is Messy (AKA It May Take a Village to Get a Kid to Therapy)

In today’s typical family there is no “typical”. Individuals with perhaps non-traditional relationships with a child (ie, not just the Mother and Father) may have good access and sensitivity to the child’s struggles or problems. These people can include close friends, stepmothers, mentors, girlfriends, boyfriends, aunts, uncles, teachers, coaches.

As depicted in the sitcom “Modern Family”, personal and relationship breakthroughs are made through access to truth and love that come from various sources, including family members and friends from all different backgrounds. variety Good data about a child can come from many sources and if you find yourself in the role of one of these “sources”, it becomes important to present your input in a constructive and credible way – whether speaking to a parent or guardian to consider the therapy for their child or in talking to a child about therapy.

In this article I will address these two very similar topics: 1. Approach a friend with concerns about his child, and 2. As a relative or parental figure, get a child to therapy.

DON’T DO THE MESSENGER!

Telling a friend that you think their child needs therapy is a sensitive subject. You risk offending your friend and compromising the relationship with the parents and the child, thus eliminating the opportunity to help in the future. You run the risk of making a mistake: assuming that the child is fine, just not your definition of fine? Suppose you are right and the child receives therapy and benefits from it. Guess what? You always have the risk of losing the relationship with the parents and the child. We’ve all heard and probably been affected by the term, “Don’t shoot the messenger,” right? Finally, if you send your message in a way that puts a friend already in denial more on the defensive, the child you are concerned about can be pushed even further away from getting help.

For these reasons, it is important to approach the topic carefully. And yes, there is a “right” way – or at least a predicative way that is more likely to turn out “right”. In general, let the parent express their concerns first, then express yours. Don’t use labels or jargon, and don’t make black/white statements. Here are some specifics:

Tone: Unassuming, non-judgmental, open and based in love. Examples:

1. I wonder if you have noticed any differences in Archie compared to other children. [Pending parent response you might say something like:] I noticed some things about Archie that I thought I should share with you because I care about you both. I don’t know if there is a problem, but to me something seems different from what I have seen in other children.

2. I don’t know if it’s just me, but I wanted to share something I noticed about Archie in case you might have noticed too, but I wasn’t sure if it was just your perception. He looks really angry [sad, lost, lonely, frustrated] a lot of the time.

Content: Share concerns, observations; share examples of child strengths and parent strengths. Examples:

1. I noticed that Archie went from being interested and engaged to being withdrawn and suln. I am so loving and a good relative to him. I wonder if you noticed this.

2. I have noticed Archie’s anger for a while now and he seems to be struggling to manage day to day situations.

Recommendations: based on love, based on help. Examples:

1. I hate seeing you and Archie fight. We know that there are good therapists who can identify a problem, help normalize it and then solve it. I don’t want to see the people I love suffer when I know there is help available. If nothing else, trying a therapist seems like a good opportunity to rule out anything out of the ordinary.

2. I hope you will consider seeing a therapist with Archie to figure this out. Many children benefit from exposure to ideas and resources that help them improve life skills and necessary behaviors.

3. Whatever you decide, I want to be part of your and Archie’s life for a long time. I trust your judgment.

NO SHAME IN THE APPARATUS

A related issue centers on the parent/guardian who wants their son/daughter to feel comfortable with the idea of ​​seeing a therapist. Again, approaching this the right way with your child can mean a strong and positive relationship with a professional whose goal is to help your child. In general, it is important to be loving, open, express the private nature of the therapy, and to communicate that the therapist can help others in the family who need help – that it is not only the child who has a problem. Here are some guidelines for talking with your child about psychological therapy:

Tone: Helpful, compassionate, empathetic. Examples:

1. I struggled with [sadness, frustration, anger] and many other people have too. I think I know someone who can help us both because she/he has helped many other people with these same types of problems.

2. You seem pretty [sad, frustrated, angry, lonely] lately and I think there is a way for us to get some help and that doesn’t involve having to tell people outside of our family.

Content: Position therapist as expert. Position therapy as education. Nobody is broken, nothing needs fixing. Examples:

1. Like your math teacher teaches you how to add and subtract so you can be confident when you have money and pay for something in a store, a therapist teaches us how to feel so we can be comfortable with our feelings when they come. and when we deal with other people. Just like once we learn math, we know the correct answer to a math problem, once we learn our feelings, we know the correct answer to solve problems within ourselves.

2. We go to school to learn things that help us understand how the world works. We go to a therapist to understand how our feelings work. When we learn to read, we can learn something by opening a book. When we learn to “read” our feelings we can understand what is happening inside.

3. We all learn different things at different times based on what happens in our lives. If you have lived in China for a year, you want to learn Chinese and understand the customs. A Chinese teacher could help with this. In the same way, if something big happens that affects our feelings [death, divorce, new school, bullying] we can learn how to understand those feelings. Once we understand them, we know what is right for us. A therapist teaches us how to do this.

4. Each of us has different challenges at different times. We all have it, but we tend not to share it too much, so if we have a great feeling, we might think we’re the only one who has it. Some of us struggle with anger, some with shyness, some with bad habits, some with sadness, some with learning differences. Just as we have help with spelling if we have problems, we have help from a teacher of feelings if we have problems with feelings, or help with a teacher of friendship if we have problems with friendship. Some therapists teach friendship, some teach feelings, others teach speaking and reading. But we all need teachers.

Recommendations: Be open, exploratory, empowering. Examples:

1. Like yours [parent/guardian] it’s my job to help you learn the things you need to know to be happy now and when you grow up – to have many choices when you’re an adult about what you want to be, where you want to live, what kind of friends you want to have . So I will take you to school where the teachers teach you many different things and now is a good time to go to a teacher of feelings – a therapist – to learn about feelings.

2. Just as you like some teachers more than others, you may like one therapist more than another. The good thing about a therapist is that YOU choose. Did you know that you usually can’t change your third grade teacher for another one just because you don’t like him/her, she’s too strict, gives you too much homework? Well, if you like your therapist then you will learn more from her and if you don’t, you will find a different therapist, one that makes you feel good. And everything you talk about with your therapist is private between the two of you.

Finally, please know that as a concerned friend or concerned parent, saying something is ALWAYS better than saying nothing. If you want help talking to a friend about their child or if you want help talking to your child about therapy, I can help. In “Modern Family” there are many choices. There is ALWAYS hope and there is ALWAYS a way. I help my clients find theirs.

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